Reisen's Every Day Diary
by GWT
Summary: Dear Diary. Master has forced a notebook upon and me and demanded I write a diary. Since I have little choice in the matter, even though I live a boring, quiet life, allow me to begin. My name is Reisen Udonge Inaba and I am a rabbit from the moon.
1. Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Is that how you start one of these? I'm sure it is, isn't it. According to Master, humans write in books like these to remember what happened in their life. And they always start with something like that. Dear Diary. Or Journal entry. Or Captain's log. Star Date. A little introduction to tell someone reading it that they're beginning an entry.

So I think I'll use Dear Diary. Its simple and straight to the point.

Dear Diary. This is the first entry that I've written for you. My name is Reisen Udonge Inaba and I am a rabbit from the moon.

Its obvious, diary, that you don't believe me. From the moon, you say. How ridiculous. I've never known of rabbits to exist on the moon. By now I'm used to such reactions. After all, whether you believe it or not, I am indeed a rabbit and I am indeed a former inhabitant of the satellite that orbits this planet known as Earth.

At the current moment, I live with my Master, Mistress Kaguya, and another Earth Rabbit in a place called Gensokyo.

My master, Doctor Eirin Yagokoro handed me this notebook and said something along the lines of "Reisen, today you will keep a diary. I want you to record your daily life. Every night, write an entry about what you did that that."

Secretly, I suspect she intends to read this diary to see what I do when she doesn't give me work. Oh, she'll probably punish me if I write something bad. I must be careful.

So, diary, I will be putting an entry in every day from here on. I assure you, it won't be interesting nor will it be anything incriminating. I am an ordinary rabbit, after all. Its not like I get in harrowing adventures every day.

...Well, there was that one incident with the Moon disappearing. But that's in the past.


	2. Tewi Inaba and the Rabbits

Dear Diary,

Today, the other rabbits and I went for a stroll through the bamboo thicket in search of...well, I don't quite remember what we were in search for. Seeing as we never found it, I don't think its of consequence at this point.

Of course, Master punished me later, but now we're getting out of order here. Let me back up and talk about the Rabbits.

Don't worry. Unlike me, they're all normal Earth rabbits. They have four legs, they hop, and they don't speak. They don't even have fingers, let alone thumbs. Ordinary rabbits that you can see anywhere, even in the Human world.

Well, except Tewi Inaba.

Tewi is...well, in her words "_I'm the commander of all the rabbits on Earth_!" And, while it is an exaggeration, she is in fact in charge of many rabbits. So, maybe not a commander. Perhaps a superior. I'd say like...oh, she's the boss and I'm her boss, so I guess I'm a superintendent to Tewi's school principal.

No, we're not directly related, even with the similar last names. We're a different species of rabbits, much like white and brown rabbits. Well, wait, we are a white and a brown rabbit. Okay, bad example, but you know what I mean.

When it comes to getting the rabbits to do anything, it means convincing Tewi.

This is not an easy task no matter how you look upon it.

To begin with, waking Tewi.

I myself start the day early. I'm not quite used to the sunrise on Earth, so the first crack of light wakes me easily. Its a very gentle way to wake up, might I say. Very pleasant and noise free.

Tewi, however, requires direct intervention.

In the beginning, I would go to Tewi's room and attemp to gently shake her awake. Tewi, I'd say sweetly. Come on, its time to start the day. Rise and Shine.

She would then kick me in the face. Or maybe roll over and punch me. Either way, it would end violently for me.

So I tried another approach; staying out of arms reach. With the ability to duplicate myself with illusions, it would be a matter of shaking, whispering sweetly, and hopping away to let the after image of myself take the blow. Tewi would then groan and say:

"Rabbits are basically nocturnal creatures, you know!!"

I would explain how we were Youkai rabbits and to use the patterns of normal rabbits to identify us is pointless. After all, normal rabbits don't walk on two legs and speak like we do. Take responsibility and grow up, I'd concluded. But she'd just wipe her nose and say "That's okay and all, but I'm still a rabbit," and go right back to sleep.

After which point, I abandoned the fight and went about doing the morning routine while Tewi slept.

These routines, of course, were dangerous in their own right.

"Good morning Udonge," the Mistress, Lady Kaguya would say. "I'm thirsty."

Oh, I would reply. Would you like me to bring you something to drink.

"Water," she croaked. "In five seconds."

This, of course, is impossible. The time I took to exclaim five seconds used up three. But Lady Kaguya is...if I may say so, I'd say she's not all there all the time. Even when I bring her something back, she would give me a blank look and wonder why I brought her a glass of water.

I suspect she may be losing her memory sometimes in her old age. Immortality can't be good for the braincells after so long.

Now, with this effort, Tewi would still be asleep. So I would proceed to get dressed.

Now, don't get the wrong idea. I may wear a uniform, but surely do not sleep in one. At best I wear a night shirt. Luckily, I have a small cabinet full of pre-pressed uniforms, consisting of crisp shirts, many bright red ties, and a few dozen blazers. All my skirts are hand washed and ironed as well.

I know what you're thinking. A neat freak. Well, I won't deny it. I like order, and that applies to everything.

By now, on schedule, Tewi would barge into my room.

"Reisen, lets go on an adventure!!" She would declare, with a dozen or so rabbits in tow. They'd all come in, bouncing and hopping happily as Tewi chattered and spoke with such excitement.

Bouncing and hopping with their muddy little paws.

Muddy muddy oh so _muddy_.

And so, the day would officially begin. Tewi and the Rabbits would work along side me up until they lost interest, where the rest of the day would consist of me shouting for them to get back to work until sundown.

Today went like that, mostly. Except Master had us look for a...plant? Some kind of herb for her new blend of medicine. And of course, we didn't find it.

Master can be so cruel when she doesn't get what she wants...


	3. Maybe I Should Just Stop Talking

Dear Diary,

Today was another typical day. Wake up, start fresh.

Being a normal business day, I was tasked with delivering medicine and other items to the human village. Master informed me of all the usual clientèle and handed me all the supplies.

Its an easy job, really. Go in, give everyone what belongs to them, receive payment and have them sign a release form. Its all too simple.

Its the fact that I always get looked at oddly that bothers me. All of them. Humans and Youkai alike. No matter how I go about business, they all give me this strange look as if I were a specimen on display.

Well, there's the issue of my wearing sunglasses into town, but thats a necessary precaution to ensure that none of our clients are incapacitated. It really is bothersome that humans react adversely to my gaze, given that humans are in fact our largest client base.

"There's that strange rabbit," they say as I come in. "Look at her. Doesn't she strike you as odd."

"Yeah those glasses. They're really something, aren't they?"

Of course they're something. I got them from that man who runs the shop that specializes in items from the outside. And my glasses break so often that I have to wear a new pair every day.

Lets see...there were thick ones, round ones, square ones, triangular ones...

Oh, there were a pair of orange V-shaped ones that he said were from a great hero, but he was probably lying. I doubt a great hero's sunglasses would just appear in a dusty old shop like that.

Today was a pair of strange ones. The lenses were like blinds. Said they were...someone West's glasses. Needless to say, I disposed of them quickly.

But the glasses are only half of the problem. There comes the other issue – I sincerely believe that none of those humans understand I word I tell them. In fact, given the reactions, I'd say those humans believe I'm speaking nonsense.

Its not like I purposely talk about things like that! I'm just reading off how the medicine works and what it should be used for! You won't believe how many people use headache medicine for sore knees, diary! Or drink antacids when they have trouble sleeping!

Not that my explanations do anything anyway. For example, about a week I described a new medicine for stomach aches to the teacher of the human school. I informed her of how it worked, the chemical composition, etc, etc...

"As usual," she said in her usual absent minded tone, "I have no idea what you're talking about! But it cures stomach aches, right?"

Stomach aches, I explained, and nothing else. Please do not use it for other symptoms, I urged, or else you will get sick.

"Of course, of course," She waved me off. "If you say so, it must be true."

Then today, I learned that she had, in fact, become ill. Of course, her stomach was fine, she explained, but when she developed a migraine, she took the medicine assume it would work fine.

Honestly. Sometimes the effort of explaining goes to waste on people. When I complained under my breath, however, she lectured me:

"Its the fact that you use such obscure words," she says. "As conversation is essentially communication between two people, it is important that both sides understand what is being said. If you don't help the other side understand what your saying, then the conversation is one sided and any information conveyed in the communication is lost."

When she said it like that, however, it made sense.

...Maybe there's a simpler way to explain how medicine works. I should investigate further.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I attempted again to explain how medicine works. This time, however, I skipped all the technological points and skipped straight to the point.

"This medicine disinfects cuts. Don't use it for anything else, okay!"

The customer, however, gave me a strange look as if I had suddenly grew a third ear on my forehead. When I asked, he stroked his chin and replied "I expected a lot more. But if you say so."

This complaint was rather popular, I noticed. When I stopped explaining how it worked, people seemed to eye me in a more suspicious manner than before. It was as if they didn't trust the medicine unless a detailed explanation was given.

"If you don't tell us whats in it," one such person said. "How will we know you're not swindling us?

"It could just be ordinary water," another suggest. "A – whats it called – Placebo."

It seems that by making it easier to understand, the customers trust declines. But when I explain too much, the customers don't understand and misuse the medicine.

I can't win, diary. I just can't win.


	4. Master Tricked Me!

Dear Diary,

Master tricked me today!

This morning, she handed me a bag. She explained that she noticed I was seeming rather down lately and said the little pellets inside would perk me right up.

Of course, I was initially suspicious. But she ensured me that the medicine in side would simply brighten my mood and make me feel better. Its hard to not trust master when she flashes that smile of hers, so I accepted it as usual and went about the day.

About halfway through delivering the usual customers' medicine, I ran into that unpleasant Shrine Maiden. Of course, I tried to be polite and greet her, but she only scowled at me and said something nasty.

Then she accused me of stealing from her!

"You, alien rabbit," she said suddenly. "You took my sake, didn't you?"

I, of course, had not. I attempted to explain to her a more viable suspect; for example, the Oni who frequents the shrine, or perhaps even the Witch, but she insisted. Needless to say, it ended violently and we had to be separated by a few humans in the village.

And she ruined the medicine shipment in the process. What an unpleasant girl.

With my spirits in the toilet, I opened the bag that Master provided and popped one of the rounded pellets in my mouth. At this point, I said to myself, a pick me up would be good.

And after a few minutes, I was soaring through the air and shouting things that normally wouldn't have come from my mouth. When I came back to my senses, I was doused in a bucket of water and laying in a pile of hay.

How embarrassing. How embarrassing indeed.

The return trip was one of shame. And the pack on my back felt a lot heavier than usual, though I suspected that it was the previously mentioned shame.

"How shameful, Undonge," Master would say. "You scared away customers. You'll have to be punished for this."

"That's right, Reisen. How silly of you. But its okay! Lets hop along and take a bath when we get back!"

It was at this point I realized I had a stowaway in my bag. Tewi had been in the bag the entire time. And, upon closer inspection, a small notebook with her untidy scrawl was at the bottom, all with notes involving my reaction to the medicine.

"Master wanted me to keep an eye on you," Tewi explained. "To see how the medicine worked on rabbits. Yep yep, she'll be very pleased to know it was a success! Even the shrine maiden's input went as planned!"

As she said this, she sipped the aforementioned missing bottle of sake and grinned at me.

Oh Master, how cruel of you. Why did you use me as a guinea pig once again..?


	5. Regarding Miss Margatroid

Dear Diary,

I've been wondering for some time about Miss Margatroid.

She and I have had a few run-ins in the past, the one with the most importance being that night that she and that black witch came with the group that interfered in the "Great Moon Replacement Plan." There was also that incident with the weather, but I was so accidentally drawn into that one that I honestly couldn't make heads or tails of the entire event.

Even with those incidents, however, Margatroid has been a faithful customer of Master's and I have personally delivered medicine to her when she was unable to pick up.

For the most part, it's the norm. Cough medicine, headache medicine, indigestion – apparently, the black witch she is friends with makes meals with mushrooms and they do terrible things to her – and even the occasional eyedrop.

But there is one such medicine that she has a prescription to that fills me with wonder. The technical name for it has long since been forgotten by me, but I simply call it "Master Eirin's Sweet Dreams."

Master Eirin's Sweet Dreams is narcotics on top of narcotics on top of hallucinogens on top of anti-depressants. The concoction is dangerous to humans – one pill could easily put a person into a coma for approximately 35 years if it didn't kill them outright. However, when prescribed to Youkai, the medicine produces such wonderful dreams that one would believe such a place to be paradise.

If you are wondering, diary, yes. I was the test subject, though unwittingly.

I won't bore you with the specifics of what is contained within, but know the substances mixed in this medicine are illegal in the human world and thus have to be secured in a large batch. Master has to make a specific request to that man with his shop that caters to such items, and even then it may take him some while to obtain them.

And Margatroid is the primary customer of this medicine. Usually, I wouldn't be bothered with other's uses of medicine, but this has me curious. I intend to investigate the matter further.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I delivered another shipment of medicine to Margatroid today, including Master Eirin's Sweet Dreams. As Margatroid signed and payed, I offhandedly asked why she needs the MESD.

She simply fixed me with a look and said "I...have had a lot of trauma in my past. It often pops up in my dreams and makes them very unpleasant."

As she says this, I notice her glancing over her shoulder nervously. Suspiciously, the direction she looks in appears to be the same location that the Hakurei Shrine is situated.

Hm. The Hakurei Shrine maiden is an unpleasant sort at times, yes...but what could she have done to prompt the need of such a dangerous medication for Miss Margatroid? It must have been linked to their childhood – Margatroid doesn't seem that much older than the Shrine Maiden, so there must have been a dispute over a children's toy when they were younger.

Then again, Master Eirin only looks to be twenty, yet she is far older than Lady Kaguya who has lived for roughly a thousand years by now. One should not be so quick to judge ages based on appearances...

Further investigation is required.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I returned to the house of Miss Margatroid today.

This was not a business related venture, however. It was simply my curiosity that had prompted a sudden visit. I told her this as she eyed me suspiciously from her door and she replied with a "Come in, but be quick about it."

When I entered the house, I was overwhelmed with a sudden sense of being stared at.

Of course, this was not unfounded. There were many paintings on the walls of the main hallway. Many of them were women I had never seen before. When I asked, she only replied with "Old friends whom many have forgotten" and continued to lead me along.

Soon, we entered a room which easily dwarfed any library I had seen short of the one located within the Scarlet Devil Manor. So many books greeted me, with several of Margatroid's living dolls sorting and resorting all of them.

"I study magic," she replied when I asked about them. "I've been studying for quite some time. It should be no surprise that I have these many spell books."

As she says this, she hugs the large book I have often seen her with to her chest. I suppose this one holds sentimental value, though I couldn't read the lettering on the cover.

When we finally stopped, we had arrived at what could be called a rather large kitchen. A pair of dolls appeared with tea cups and a pot. I gratefully took a cup and sipped it politely.

It was rose tea, by the way. A flavor I rarely had the pleasure of tasting, due to Lady Kaguya's insistence on other types.

"I suppose you're here to ask me more about my dreams," She sighed. I nodded, still sipping the tea as she drummed her fingers on the cover of her book. With a long moment and a dark expression on her face, she finally sighed once again and told me her story.

Apparently, Margatroid started as a human girl who studied magic. When she was young, she studied and studied and learned and learned. Life was like that for her; wake up, study, practice, reflect on what was learned that day, go to sleep. Repeat.

She enjoyed the life then, she told me. And one day she was given her Grimimore – that is, the large book she always carried with her. Not too long after, that Shrine Maiden appeared in her usual foul mood.

And, as usual, the shrine maiden had set to blame everyone in sight for the incident at hand and attacked Miss Margatroid. The incident destroyed several of her favorite books and a lot of the dolls she had hand crafted to impress the ones around her.

Needless to say, it was just as traumatic as she said. I'm not doing it justice, you'd have to have been there.

"And then," she continued. "I met her years later. By then, I had studied so much magic that I had become a Youkai in the process."

And so she went for her revenge against the Hakurei Shrine Maiden. Unfortunately, she didn't run into her first, but instead came across that black witch.

"She cheated," she sighed. "That thing of hers broke the rules."

I assume she was speaking of that enormous laser beam of hers. Which, of course, did break the rules.

Not too long after being blasted by that thing, she ran into another person. This person, of course, was not the Hakurei Shrine Maiden either.

"So many knives," She shivered, arms folded. "How could one maid carry so many knives?"

Truthfully, as I myself learned, the maid in question didn't carry as many knives as one is led to believe. At most, it had to be a dozen, maybe two dozen at the most, but the fact that she could stop time allowed her to make it appear as if there were hundreds and hundreds.

That said, being able to stop time was terrifying enough as it is.

"When I finally ran into the shrine maiden," She concluded. "She didn't even remember who I was."

I was moved, diary. This poor woman had dedicated her life to revenge against that shrine maiden and couldn't even get her to remember who she was.

Though, thinking on it...if Margatroid was a little girl when she met Hakurei, then wouldn't that mean Hakurei was older than her? Which is impossible – Margatroid not only looks older, but has to at least be twenty two. The Shine Maiden was only...well, at the oldest, 16.

...Wait. No. Silly Reisen, you're trying to apply logic here. Gensokyo hasn't done anything that made sense since you got here.

"And then a little while later, she came to my house and accused me of making everyone party," she snapped suddenly. "How dare she. First she ruins my plan for revenge, then she came into my house accusing me of being a criminal! If she weren't needed for the barrier, oh—!!"

Needless to say, the story of Margatroid touched my heart. And the tea was delicious as well. And master always said I should extend my circle of friends to beyond the rabbits.

So, Diary. Today I became friends with Alice Margatroid. It was an interesting expedition and the tea was delicious. I hope I can visit her again.


	6. Two Strange Incidents

Dear Diary,

I came across a very interesting sight today. At first I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, or perhaps Master had slipped me a hallucinogen. But after checking, rechecking, wiping my eyes, and then checking once more I concluded what I was seeing was real.

There was a frog the size of a house standing in a pond. Surrounded by hundreds of tinier frogs. I had never seen so many of them, nor had I ever heard so many of them remain silent for such a long time. So, I dropped back and watched for a while, wondering what could possibly have that many frogs' attention.

It was then I noticed something tiny was flying in front of the frog. No, it wasn't tiny – I realize now I was so far away that she only looked tiny compared to that gargantuan amphibian.

It was the Ice Fairy of the lake, Cirno.

As I got closer, I could hear her voice screaming shrilly.

"Stop following me! I swear, if you keep following me I'll freeze you solid!"

She puffed out her cheeks and glared. But the frogs continued to stare at her, their enormous leader motionless. I noticed the big one in particular seemed to have a bruise right on its belly.

One very similar to a burn someone would get from dry ice.

I learned later, of course, that Cirno had previously encountered this frog and the encounter ended with her having to freeze its insides to escape its belly. Knowing that now, it makes perfect sense that it would come back after her for revenge.

But, a long moment passed. Cirno continued to shout and carry on childishly, but the frog remained silent. And then, finally, it gave one loud croak.

Diary, today I learned that amphibians are also capable of Danmaku.

The numerous tiny frogs leap at Cirno as if they were living bullet patterns. Cirno would do her best to dodge, but every so often one would hop on her and hold on for dear life. So many frogs splashed into that pond, both aggressively clambering back to leap at her and splashing like ice cubes.

Finally, she appeared to have had enough. Though, finally for her was only about ten minutes or so for me.

"Fine, you want to play like that? I've been letting you get your way, but that's it!"

And so, icicles flew. Icicles and snow flakes and a gust of cold wind. I found myself folding my ears down so that the wind wouldn't freeze the tips of them.

But the whole while...not a single one of her shots even grazed the frog.

It wasn't a matter of inaccuracy. No, it was more of a matter of simply not aiming at all. Her shots were too spread out, too random. They were everywhere but where the frog was standing – I'd dare say they even curved around the huge creature, as if Cirno had no idea where it was.

And with that huge opening, a ball of frogs leaped on to the poor fairy and sent her crashing into the pond. The massive frog opened its mouth and swallowed her whole.

No diary, don't worry. This ends on a good note. I wasn't one to watch idly while a small girl was consumed like a fruit snack. No, what kind of person would I be. I mean, I've bailed Tewi out before, so this was nothing new.

And so, with a carefully aimed laser beam, the frog spat her back up. Swearing in a way no small child should, the fairy flew off in a huff.

...Later, I took the liberty of delivering her bandages. She may not have been hurt, but her pride sure did have a deep wound.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I saw another strange thing today. That strange Kappa appeared before me today, looking as busy as ever. From what I know of this girl, I believe her name is...Mi...dori? No, that's not right. But anyway, the kappa had a bright smile and I felt curious.

"Oh," she told me. "My project is finally complete. Say, let me know if you see her running around today."

Her?

I thought I had heard her wrong. She said her, but maybe she was talking about a boat or the like. I hear one uses female pronouns when describing such things, so I dismissed it.

In all honesty, I always pondered about that girl. Namely, the key around her neck. What does it go to? And that backpack of hers always seems so full, I wonder whats in it. I hear that she is some sort of great inventor, so perhaps its full of tools.

"I heard," Tewi said to me once as she chewed a carrot like it were a cigar. "That she one made a bomb out of tree sap, some fishing line, and a leaf."

It was ridiculous. There was no feasible way to make a bomb out of such things. For one, where would the gunpowder to explode be ?

"Well," Tewi replied. "Maybe it was a gunpowder leaf. I bet that stuff grows on trees. Say, I'm thirsty. Lets get some barley tea!"

And by barley tea, she meant a frothy mug of alcohol. But thats another story for another day.

It was while I was pondering about that strange girl, diary, that I ran into the strange thing.

A maid.

A maid is not extraordinary by herself. Its usually something the maid does that stands out. But this maid didn't strike me as off at first glance. In fact, I assumed she was a normal, sweet girl who probably worked at the Scarlet Devil Manor. Likely, she was out on an errand.

It was when she turned around that I noticed the large radiation symbol on her back.

The symbol was so large and bright that it caught the eye the minute she turned to you. I myself am not a big fan of radiation – when there was an incident related to that in the underground, the bathwater I was in reached such a critical point that I felt like a cooked rabbit. So to see it on this girl's back put me off guard.

Excuse me, I said politely. I haven't seen you around here before. I asked for her name.

"Ruukoto," she replies. "And you are Reisen Udonge Inaba, yes?"

How did she know that, I asked. I don't believe my reputation precedes me so much that I can be spotted on a off glance.

"Well," she replies. "You are one of the culprits of the Moon Disappearance Incident, if I'm not mistaken. My memory banks describe you as a rabbit wearing a suit with white hair and red eyes, so—"

Data banks?

I realized immediately that this was the project that Kappa was working on. A humanoid robot, running on radioactive energy. How extraordinary. I wanted to examine her myself – who knows how lifelike this machine was?

But before I could make a move to do such a thing, the Kappa pat her hand on my shoulder with a grin.

"Awesome, isn't it?" She says, taking a bite of a cucumber in her right hand. "I knew the research put into that crowd in the underground would bring fruit. To think, all she needed was a nuclear power source...!"

I asked if it were possible to mass produce such a thing. She stopped to think about that as she munched on the cucumber.

"I dunno. This is the prototype, and she was pretty expensive, but if you strip the personality and such—"

"Hold on," the one called Ruukoto said suddenly. "You can't mass produce me! Imagine what people would think if there were hundreds of me, doctor!"

"Hm, thats true. Maybe sister units..."

"What? Sister?"

"Don't you understand, Ruukoto," The kappa grinned. "You're the last hope for earth. I have to make loads and loads of you so I can sell tons and tons of you! Oh man, think of all the money. I should get Marisa to find me more parts too...!"

Ah, I realized. So this lifelike robot was made using stolen technology.

"Well Ruukoto, lets get going. We have to show you off to more people!"

"Yes Doctor," she replied. "Good bye Reisen Udonge Inaba. May we meet again."

Oh, I replied. Feel free to visit me. I would love to learn more about how you work. She and her creator only smiled, before rushing into the crowd (VIVIT seemed to be equipped with wheels in her maid shoes).

It was very strange, Diary. But I think I may have taken the steps to become friends with that Android.


	7. Mima

Dear Diary,

There seems to be an apparition in our home. A rather violent one.

I discovered it this morning as I went to wake Tewi. Lady Kaguya seemed to be fixated on something on the opposite side of her room as I walked past. Curious, I poked my head inside.

Sure enough, there was something sleeping along the wall.

"Reisen," she said in excitement, pointing a finger at it. "Do you see that? There's a lump of sheets over there! Somethings in it!"

This is true, I said as I rubbed my chin.

"Its a ghost, Reisen," she grins. "A real live ghost with a curly little tail! We're haunted! Isn't this exciting!?"

It isn't, I explained. This is a serious problem. We should do something to exorcise that poor spirit immediately.

However, by the time I realized it, Lady Kaguya had already crossed the room. Not a single word of mine penetrated her ears, and she had already taken the ghost's tail in her hand.

"I wonder what would happen if I did this."

She opened her mouth. And as I shouted for her to stop—

"_Nom!"_

—She bit in to the ghost's tail.

It wasn't very pleasant after that.

"What kind of crazy person goes biting people's tails? I swear, you're an idiot!"

The ghost, we learned, was not one who enjoyed being bitten. Not that I could blame her for such a thing. She berated Lady Kaguya so loudly that it woke everyone in the house. Master comforted the mistress while the spirit sulked, having nearly driven Lady Kaguya to tears.

"I—I just wanted to know if it tasted like cotton candy," she said between sobs. "It was so soft and fluffy, so I had to know..."

Meanwhile, I sized up this ghost.

The ghost was a woman, or at least shaped like a woman. Blue clothes and green hair and a long wispy tail...she looked like that woman who Yommu worked under, only with no legs and the hat was different.

As I surveyed her, however, she only glared at me.

"Sheesh. Of all the places to wake up in, I had to find a cannibal..."

Technically, I explained. Lady Kaguya isn't a cannibal. You're not exactly human.

"Shut up. I'm a human ghost, aren't I?" She snapped at me. "Mind your own business, you stupid fuzzball!"

I already see I'm going to dislike her. It seems I must play as an exorcist for the time being.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I'm not cut out to be an exorcist.

First of all, I have no idea where to begin. I tried the usual suspects. Holy Water only lead to foul language, hitting her with a cross was met with violent retaliation, and Tewi doesn't make a very good young priest to my old priest.

And the Holy Hand Grenade was out of the question. I must guard that dangerous weapon with my life, and a single ghost doesn't merit jeopardizing its safety.

So, I went with the second idea – Danmaku.

That went over terribly. This ghost is a master. Not only that, but she informed me that she had been doing Danmaku back when I wasn't even a thought. I have no clue what that means, but she seemed to be assured of her superiority over me. It irked me.

So then came three – I bit her.

That was immature of me. But she irked me so. I don't have any intention of apologizing to her either. She's sitting in my room now, Diary. Sulking. Sulking and staring at me with her hateful eyes.

...Its unnerving. I shall see if there are other ways to exorcise ghost later.

* * *

Dear Diary,

Miss Margatroid came by to pick up her medicine. When she arrived, however, she spotted our current ghost problem and...a very strange expression of joy came upon her face. Needless to say, she elbowed past me and threw a hug around the ghost.

It seems, diary, that Margatroid is acquainted with this specter.

Mima, she says the ghost's name is. It never occurred to me to learn the ghost's – Mima's – name, but upon knowing it, we became better acquainted as well. I asked her why she was in our place of residence to begin with, but she had no clue either.

"All I remember," she said suddenly with a sour expression. "Was Hakurei."

Hakurei. Again, someone scorn by the shrine maiden. I asked and learned that the two – Margatroid and Mima – both share a linked past to that girl.

"Revenge is all I want. I don't know how I wound up here, but I want to have revenge on that evil girl!"

Diary...I believe I now know how to set this poor spirit free.

* * *

Dear Diary,

Hakurei Reimu is paying us a visit today. She claims she has come to redeem a coupon for free cold medicine in preparation for flu season. She even has the voucher in her hand.

Of course, there is no way Master would allow such a thing. This is a set up. Even though Master may be giving me a look that tells me I will be punished, the fact remains – I will set Mima free today.

In fact, here she comes floating into the room. And sure enough, the two make eye contact.

Mima screams at her. "HAKUREI," she bellows. She shrieks and throws a fit and points accusingly.

However, Reimu...

"Who are you?"

The room grows quiet. I remain her, of course, writing in you, diary. Tewi, Lady Kaguya and the Rabbits are watching attentively, waiting to see what will happen. Master Eirin even seems to be holding her breath in anticipation.

And then Mima explodes.

Obscenities are thrown. Obscenities I've never even heard before. So much foul language aimed in the direction of the Hakurei Shrine Maiden. But the girl only asks where her free medicine is, stating she has work to do at the shrine and if there isn't any medicine then tell her so.

And then shots are fired.

Mima is shooting. She's shooting and everyone is ducking behind something now. The two are now engaged in a Spell Card duel in our place of residence, flying about overhead as Mima screams furiously and Reimu demands her medicine.

Oh, a shot just burn the tip of my ear. I think I should put this down for a while.

...Needless to say, Diary, Master punished me.

This is unlike you, she says. Instigating fights. I'm disappointed in you, Udonge.

Of course, this conversation is held while I'm tied by my leg and hanging upside down over a pot. Master circles the boiling pot while cutting carrots and potato. And somehow, I'm still managing to write just fine.

I have talent.

Anyway, it was a bust, Diary. Much like Margatroid, the shrine maiden didn't even remember Mima. When pressed about it, Mima couldn't even remember why she hated Reimu. By the end of it, there were holes everywhere, Tewi's tail was scorched black, and the Shrine Maiden left with no medicine.

But Mima is still here. This is my punishment as well. The ghost will sleep in your room, Master said. Until she pays off the damage done to this place. You two are now partners, so I hope you get along well.

Mima didn't argue. Instead, she requested Lady Kaguya stay away from her. "I can't have her bitting chunks of me off, you know." Master Eirin obliged.

So diary, today was hectic. And now, as I ready to throw you aside, I have a rabbit stew bath to attend to. Maybe Master Eirin will go easy on me and only dip me in for 30 minutes this time.


	8. Vs The Kirisame Thief

Dear Diary,

I have declared war on that thieving Witch, Kirisame Marisa!

This is simply the last straw! She has done the unthinkable! She'll receive no quarter from me, no mercy, and no forgiveness!!

She has done something I can't sit idly by and allow happen.

She took the gift Master had given me!

It doesn't happen often. In fact, as far as I can remember, its never happened. Master tends to punish me more than reward me. In fact, I remember when I suggested a Punishment/Candy approach and she misunderstood that as "Punish with Candy."

I still have welts from the Jaw Breakers.

But today was different. Today, Master rewarded me with chocolates.

"You have been doing a good job, Udonge," she said to me as she handed them over. "So here, I got you a treat."

The initial reaction, of course, was suspicion. How do I know these aren't drugged, I asked. Or perhaps a laxative? Are you testing new medicine again, Master?

"This is a legitimate reward. I can't punish you all the time, can I?"

Of course, she could, but I refrained from saying such a thing out loud. Nothing worst than being punished when being rewarded. I took them happily and went to enjoy them with Miss Margatroid and Mima, alongside Tewi and the rabbits.

Thats when she struck.

"Oh, if it isn't the alien Rabbit. Yo, how's it going-ze?"

In hindsight, I should have been more cautious. I never did like her questionable speaking habits. It gave off a very unpleasant appearance, as if she were plotting, always plotting.

Of course, at the time I was being polite and greeted her. Hello, Kirisame. Lovely weather out today, yes?

"Yeah, I can't complain," she shrugged in reply. "The weather has always been good since we beat on that little masochist back then-ze."

Of course, she was speaking of the incident with that Celestial with all the sudden shifts in weather. I hear the Shrine Maiden has just finished the repairs on her shrine that were incurred then.

But the group of us continued, enjoying the sunny afternoon and relaxing. Miss Margatroid left soon, along with Mima and Tewi and the Rabbits. But, when Kirisame left, they vanished.

The thieif stole my chocolates!

Marisa Kirisame, you have made yourself a powerful enemy today! Prepare yourself!!

* * *

Dear Diary,

I confronted Kirisame today with a small army of rabbits. I had no intention of yielding to her, nor did I want to come out of the confrontation losing. So, we stormed her household and I declared my intent.

"What's all this noise about,ze? You picking a fight or something?"

I explained how she had committed a grave offense to my honor, and that by the protocol established by the Lunarian empire we were to duel, with a "You infinite curr" thrown in for good measure.

"...Right. Whatever, if you wanted to play, then you should've said so. I want to practice a bit before I get rusty anyway."

And so, the duel commenced. And it was over in a flash.

Let me explain. I am by no means weak. After all, I managed to defeat that Youkai who controls the gaps, if I may be entitled to brag.

The problem is that Kirisame Marisa breaks the rules of Danmaku with that dangerous thing she carries around.

Its a miniature reactor. The Hakkero, I believe its called. I've researched it numerous times following our initial encounter – the reactor can hold enough energy to emulate the nuclear reactions of a star. Her patented Master Spark ™ only uses a fraction of its power, so she has a near limitless charge.

Well, I had forgotten this in a rage and charged her.

I decided to start with firing normal bullets.

"MASTER SPARK!"

So, I changed it up with changing the bullet patterns mid-flight.

"_MASTER SPARK!!"_

Well, that didn't work. So I tried an illusion.

"_MASTER SPARK!"_

I then enlisted Tewi's help.

"**DOUBLE SPARK!"**

In a rage, I fired so many bullets that the sky was blacked out.

"_ANGLED SPARK!"_

Finally, I threw in the towel.

"_**FINAL SPARK!!!"**_

We fled. There was no victory available for us as we were.

...If only there was a way to get her away from the reactor...

* * *

Dear Diary,

The Rabbits, Tewi, and Myself have stolen the reactor!

Let it be know that the witch of Kirisame is not only a heavy sleeper, but she also has a very lousy alarm system around her household. I suppose its because no one has even been so determined to defeat her that they'd break into her home, but let it be known that Reisen Udonge Inaba is a very determined rabbit.

Soon, we shall stage another strike! May the witch of Kirisame tremble in fear!

* * *

Dear Diary,

I lost again.

In the excitement, I never did learn how to use the reactor. I didn't even know which way to point the thing. Its not my fault, Diary! I was in such a rage that I skipped my normal procedure of study and learning and just went after her.

Well, she beat us for another reason too: I had no idea she had a photographic memory. The girl had memorized the technique of my bullets and used it against me.

"I've seen it a few times, ze. I think I can pull it off now."

Not only that, but she hit me with the specialty moves of that Witch from the Scarlet Devil Manor. And I'm sure one or two of the Hakurei Shrine Maiden's techniques were thrown in.

By the time I was able to point the reactor at her, it was facing the wrong way. But I hadn't learned to fire it yet.

"You know, its easy. Just point it at someone, concentrate on sparking, and then unleash your annihilation of love on them!"

I hadn't realized she knew it was facing the wrong way. I was too angry to think of why she'd be telling me how to fire her weapon.

All I know is that multicolored rainbow of love and destruction had inflicted much pain on me and I crumpled into a heap.

"Why do you keep coming here anyway?" Marisa had asked, taking the reactor from me. "You seem to have a grudge or something."

I explained how I had my honor offended by her thievery of the chocolates that master had entrusted me in.

"...Isn't chocolate bad for rabbits, ze?"

I replied with a remark about how the internal organs of normal rabbits and youkai rabbits were different, a long with a 'please shut up, you thief.'

"That's the thing, I'm not a thief. I only borrow things until I die," She said with her hands on her hips. "Listen, your lifespan is longer than mine, so its okay to wait until I die and then get yourstuff back, right? Thats what I told Patchy, but she always gets mad-ze."

I started to reply, but she only shook her head.

"How can I borrow chocolate? It doesn't make sense right? Besides, I only take things of value, and chocolate is worthless. So, with that in mind, you will realize that I didn't take your chocolates and you have the wrong girl. Don't you know of anyone else who could have done it?"

And with those words, I realized who the culprit was.

I caught her the minute I returned home. The evil villain who had stolen my gift.

"Oh, hi Reisen!"

Don't Hi Reisen me, I snapped at the trio of Tewi, Mima, and Kaguya, who were all stuffing their faces with my sweets. I told them that they were all thieves. Horrific thieves who knew the situation and still allowed me to wrongfully accuse Marisa of being the thief.

When I asked why they would do something so awful, Tewi just laughed.

"Oh Reisen. You're so silly. Here, have them. We only had a few."

...The fact I accepted that as an apology shows how weak a person I am.

But the worst part about it—

"Yo. You did steal my things. I think I should have some chocolate too, ze."

...I had to share half the box with Marisa. And all she left me were ones filled with coconut and cherry...

...Why is the world so cruel, Diary?


End file.
